Friend Me: Social Networking Sites and Interpersonal Relations

When entrepreneur and computer scientist Mark Zuckerberg began to design Facebook, he originally included a few close friends, hoping to eventually expand to the entire Harvard student body. What he got was participation from over 200 million users world wide, at the collegiate level, in the workforce, and everything in between. I know my title may suggest I want to cover a variety of social sites in this post, but I have decided to stick to Facebook, which is by far the largest and most popular of sites of its nature.

Is there a problem with social networking sites? Not if they're used correctly, but with our fast paced world today and increasingly easy access to technology, the costs of social networking reign far supreme over its supposed benefits. Like Ryan mentioned in his previous post, conformity is all too common in our generation. Certainly, terms like groupthink and inferiority complex have been tossed around for decades. The Internet just makes conformity that much more appealing.

Bear with me, but I would like to discuss several common situations (some of which I have actually been privy to, smh) that sites like Facebook enable, and continue to present. These sites can, and do, make relationships suffer. Because of our close ties to technology in our society, actions executed behind a screen can by just as detrimental as those an individual may take irl.

Here we go.

1. Lost in translation - when a Friend isn't a friend

You know the deal. Your very best "BFF" is having a gigantic pool party, and of course everyone knows about it because she put it all out on FB, and, yep, you guessed it, you weren't invited. You're upset. You get angry, and dammit you think you have every right to be! I mean, you friended this girl nearly 2 months ago and you get no invite! What nerve!

...Hate to break it to you, but social networking sites aren't exactly conducive to nurturing a friendship, and many of the "friendships" that you have on places like Facebook are superficial at best. Facebook Gifts should not take the place of giving your "old friend" a call every now and then, and to tell you the truth, I know for a fact a good number of people I am "friends" with on FB that I would never really talk to irl. It's not rude, it's a the truth. When people start associating their online behaviors with actual relationships, confusion can occur. That is why communication (and not over the Internet!) is important in all relationships. Just don't expect someone to automatically love you because they cranked that friend request. It doesn't work that way.

I learned about this the hard way when I was confronted (actually, I won't use the word confronted, because the coward did it over the Internet) accused of being a bad "friend" and told that my former "friend" was "SO DONE WITH ME".) I was at first confused, seeing as I never considered the person a close friend, just an acquaintance.

FACEBOOK IS NOTORIOUS FOR THIS.

People see your relationship status, look at a few tagged photos, and read your favorite quotes and all of a sudden, they start thinking they know you. Obviously, the situation is different when the person in question is already a good friend, but how many of your FB friends are actually friends, vs acquaintances? I bet the ratio is in favor of acquaintances, due to the nature of FB. It's a networking site.

What I guess I'm trying to say is, just because you're Friends with Bob from Econ from 3 1/2 years ago doesn't mean he is your friend, so be wise.

2. "Facebook Official"

I hate, hate, hate this term. My life is not validated by bytes on a screen, thank you very much. Still, people feel the need to continually suggest that Facebook is the Be-All End-All on just about everything, especially relationships.

I know you've all gotten annoyed with the constant onslaught of relationship statues and changes on facebook. It's cute the first time. When I find out that, in twenty minutes of time, a person has gotten engaged, separated, in an open relationship with, and finally in a complicated semi-open relationship with their dog (or whatever) I get annoyed.

I was shocked when a Friend (notice the caps) point blank told me that a person could not be in a relationship if it wasn't on FB.

I suppose my favorite author isn't Maya Angelou, either, because it's not on FB.

The sad thing is, after that experience, I have heard the same thing from people who should know better. Since when does the Internet validate the feelings we feel? This all goes back to miscommunication as well. A lot of the random relationship changes that clog up our newsfeeds are from people who don't know how to actually use their communication skills to solve problems. Argue with me all you want, but if your relationship status changes 10 times in 1 hour, there is a problem. I'm not voting for yay or neigh on putting relationship statuses on pages, it can be helpful. I'm just saying that it ain't all its cracked up to be.

Oh, and guys (and girls, although I have yet to hear of a girl to do this): If you want to cut things short with someone, DO NOT do it over Facebook. The most humiliating and down right disrespectful thing you can do to someone you once "cared" about is to underhandedly cancel your relationship without telling them. You are letting a computer dump your significant other, and pardon my use of the term, but that's bitchassness right there. Almost as bitchass as breaking up with someone in a facebook message, but that's for another time.

3. Greenbook - Keeping those Jealous Feelings at Bay

Now, for the most part, I know that most (normal) people don't use FB for more than the occasional creep. Yes, it's always nice to know what so and so is doing, nosyness, it's human nature. When you let that curiosity blossom into an obsession is when it becomes a problem. A while back, I was reading an article on how social networking sites tended to cause stress in relationships because of lovers who feel, in whatever way, they have been mistreated or slighted.

This, I say, is true, but not only limited to romantic pairs : jealousy can be sparked by something as simple as a wall post to a friend. Facebook makes it so easy to creep, but that doesn't mean it's right! I find it so disturbing when people will look at someone else's FB (usually girls) and just go to town on them. Bashing, going years back to find an unflattering picture, you name it. It's unhealthy, and frankly, very immature. I once actually had someone tell me( expecting me to laugh with her), "Yeah, I only go on the FB's of the 'popular' kids so I can laugh at them".

Seriously. Do you have nothing better to do than be envious of someone you don't even know?

I tend to find this is limited to those with particularly low self esteem.

So yes, snoop all you want on FB if you think its fun (and indeed at times it is), but don't let it get so serious that you bcome obessed and start making death threats. Communication? Again key. That girl with the martini next to your boyfriend might very well be his sister. Unlikely, but maybe.

4."OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!!"

This is the big one. People are innately curious. If you give them something to talk about, they will. Like Jade said, if you put your business out on FB, someone will find out. I think it is so annoying when people post something all over FB and then get mad when people find out about it. HELLO. Case in Point: My first year of college, a friend got hurt during a trip and didn't want anyone to know about it. So he and the other people he were with posted notes, sketchy statuses, and comments all over facebook, and had the nerve to be angry and call people "gossips" when the world found out about it. No, no, no!

'Just because you're speaking "discreetly" doesn't mean anything, either...if people want to find out, they will, believe me. You think your statuses are elusive? They're not.

Rule of thumb? If you don't want people to know it, don't post it on the Internet. Because once it's here, it stays there. Yes, all of your deleted photos, emails, and Tweets are still floating out there. Be careful what you say.

That's pretty much all I have got for now (especially because I feel like this post has been on the lengthy side), but in conclusion, I think that social networks have definently changed our forms of communication, but in the end, we must be the ones to use this tools responsibly. Just because "everyone else" is doing it is not a good enough reason. Groupthink is not the way to go!

Unfortunately, I have no amazing quotes to close like Ry :-)